What Not to Expect as a New Mom

Congratulations! You’re about to become a mom for the first time! I know as a first time mom you are bombarded with so much information, but instead of sharing what to expect, I thought I’d give you some insights into what not to expect during the first month with your new baby.

Many moms think that when the baby is born labor is done. NOT TRUE! While the high intensity contractions are behind you, during the first few days contractions (much lower in intensity) will continue. That’s right. Your uterus continues to contract for a few days when you breastfeed.

Why you ask? Well, this is nature’s way of shrinking the uterus and slowing down the lochia or bleeding. Remember that bleeding will continue for a couple of weeks and this is one of a few reasons why new moms should wait about 4-6 weeks to resume regular exercise.

In terms of breastfeeding, although it is a natural thing to do, it is often not a natural transition for mom and baby. I was surprised when my first son didn’t latch properly for over a month. This meant a regime of cup feeding, tube feeding and pumping which meant I slept even less than the average new mom. While experts say “established breastfeeding” should not hurt, they often neglect to tell new moms that in the early days of breastfeeding, you may experience cracked and bleeding nipples.

This is quite normal and there are creams available to help ease the soreness. I remember pumping in front of a friend in the early weeks after my child was born and being asked, “Is it supposed to be that color?” My breast milk was tinged with blood because my nipples were cracked and bleeding. While it may be horrifying to see, rest assured it does happen. Walking around topless is one of the best things you can do to soothe your breasts if they become sore due to breastfeeding. Take it from me, humility leaves when baby arrives.

While these may not be the stories an expectant mom wants to hear, I think it’s important to be prepared for everything and anything, including the one topic that is perhaps the most thorny – postpartum depression.

That being said, here are some other things you can expect:

• Sitting down postpartum is painful.
• You may not bond with your baby right away and that is totally normal.
• Your belly will not flatten over night, unless you have great genes (if you are that mom who is lucky enough to have that happen — bask in it quietly, as other moms will feel very discouraged.)

Bear in mind that despite the changes to your body and the sleep deprivation, there are things you can do to become a warrior of the first weeks after the birth of your child:

• One of the best ways to assimilate smoothly to new motherhood is to join a mothers’ group, such as BabyZone or others and be around new moms. I actually suggest finding a group while you’re pregnant and asking if you can join while pregnant. This way you can watch new moms in action.
• In the land of love, you and/or your partner may feel so anxious about parenting that your world revolves around baby. Although it is very difficult to resume intimacy, I recommend couples make this a priority as soon as you get your doctors orders to go ahead. It is very easy as new parents to get and stay off track as a couple.
• Don’t just read one type of book; get a few different opinions and perspectives on parenting because what works for one mom and child may not work for all.
• Get support. This is a tough one but the truth is we are not meant to mother alone. We are social animals that thrive in communities. Allow mothers and yes, mother in-laws and friends, to help and don’t stress over the small stuff.
• Tell people what you need. Although I personally am not good at this, we really can’t expect people to be mind readers.
• Sleep whenever possible. For the type A mom, this is a stretch as you want everything to be perfect. You will probably get more done in less time if you can actually think straight.

For new moms and dads, the first few weeks and months bring many challenges. While this stage can be scary and overwhelming, remember all new parents feel that way. It is completely normal. This time in your life forces you to re-evaluate almost everything about yourself (if you’re willing to). It is an opportunity to become more organized, more patient, less judgmental and refocus your goals on the things in life that matter most.

Wishing you bright beginnings!

Written by: Andrea Page