Breastfeeding Bullies

Now that I’ve got your attention, let me start by saying I am a strong advocate of breastfeeding and all its wonderful benefits (i.e., nutrition for baby and the bond between mother and baby). I breastfed my three boys - two of them for one year and one for six months. One thing which does upset me however is this burgeoning militant attitude some people have towards breastfeeding.

A few years ago, a woman training with me to become a Doula (i.e., labour support coach) stated she would not take on a client who chose not to breastfeed. I was very angry with her at first but restrained myself for risk of becoming the same bully I believed she was becoming. I instead praised her for her stand on breastfeeding and suggested that by being open to accepting all clients she could perhaps support and encourage more women to breastfeed and become a better educator in the process.

While it may be easy for breastfeeding bullies to assume that women who choose not to breastfeed are being selfish or lazy, the truth is breastfeeding is a choice and for some women, it isn’t an easy or obvious choice. There can be a whole host of reasons as to why some women choose not to breastfeed. Here are just a few:

• Sexual abuse: For women who have been sexually abused, breastfeeding can be an emotionally charged topic. Women who have been abused often choose not to breastfeed because it triggers upsetting memories of their abuse. This pain coupled with the guilt many of them carry for choosing not to breastfeed can take a huge toll on these women. Many of them also feel ashamed of their past. The thing these women need most is support and encouragement. They do not need others making them feel guilty for their decision not to breastfeed.
• Postpartum depression: Many moms experience postpartum depression due to hormonal changes and the lack of sleep. It is important to understand that many of these women are desperate to find a way out of their emotional turmoil and by giving their child a bottle, it allows them to schedule feedings, recruit more help and thereby have more time to take care of themselves. Any choice that allows them to more present, in control and happy must be supported and encouraged.
• Difficulty with latching: Some women have a very difficult time getting their baby to latch, which makes the process of breastfeeding overwhelming, not to mention painful. Problems latching can cause the nipples to become swollen, cracked, and painful to touch; they can also bleed. It is understandable for these women to get discouraged and give up. While problems with latching can often be overcome in time, these women still need lots of support, especially emotional support.
• Inability to breastfeed: While most babies can be breastfeed, not every woman is able to breastfeed. Breastfeeding bullies will tell you this is just not true and that every woman can do it. I remember my husband trying to make this point once by pointing out that women in rural Jamaica, where he came from, didn’t appear to have any problems breastfeeding. I kindly reminded him that the age old practice of wet nursing was common in such rural areas.

Lack of education, poor diet, stress and medical issues can also contribute to a woman’s inability to breastfeed. Some experts even claim that with proper education and preparation, every woman can breastfeed. Many experts, however, are only concerned with increasing success rates as opposed to helping each woman decide which option is best for her based on her circumstances.

Breastfeeding can be such a rewarding experience but women should never be shamed into doing it. The more support and encouragement a woman receives, the better the chances of her breastfeeding. However, the reality is that many women are made to feel they are committing a crime if they do not breastfeed. I urge you not to jump to any conclusions or cast judgment on any woman who chooses not to breastfeed.

Written by: Andrea Page